420 ftw
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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