they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
pray to the hookup gods
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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