They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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