May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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