My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
