Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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