Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
