3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
