the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
