just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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