Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
