Do you still have your period?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
