is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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