I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
