I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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