i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
