Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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