____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i believe in u and ur pee
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
