Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
