I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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