one two three fourrrrnication!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
