It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
