I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
