There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
