So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
