All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
