I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
