walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
