you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
