i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
