R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
