when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
