I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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