apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
