Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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