My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
