he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
