is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
