is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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