what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
