new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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