i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We are all done wearing pants today
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