the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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