Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
