I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
