Cold hands, warm shart.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
