we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
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