Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So. Much. Porn.
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