Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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