Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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