This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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