with your own penis?
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
When are your genitals available?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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