Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
