i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
