Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
