I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
