the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize
