My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
